Becoming an EDM Producer: What I Learned Writing 52 Songs in 52 Weeks
Hi, I’m Yuan. Or NUYA. Last year, I decided to take my biggest dream seriously. So for 2020, I made 52 songs in 52 weeks. Here is my journey.
Well, it really started in 5th grade. I dreamt about making electronic music. My childhood was categorized by Playstation 1s, trance music, and rice soup. I spent lots of time dancing to Malaysian black market techno CDs, just running around in circles in the living room. I daydreamed about entering the talent show with my 5th grade crush and doing a choreography to Heaven by DJ Sammy. When I turned 13, I was able to finally have my own email- so technokat911@yahoo.com came to be.( I keep it for spam purposes only.) Sometime in middle school, my dad sent me an MP3 watch from Malaysia.
It was way before the era of Fitbits and Apple Watches and was a dinky watch with a simple LCD screen- but I felt incredibly cool. I downloaded all of my favorite trance music and listened to it on the bus every day. It perhaps filled the gaps where I wished friends were instead, but I happily compromised.
Because one day, I would be one of the world’s master musicians. I dreamt of electronic music, orchestras, and being influential. The type that made people cry. That made people think about the beauty of the world. I’d finally marry my crush. I’d be that DJ at the car shows (think Alice Deejay, knee deep in the 90's). It was going to happen. It was destined to happen.
But alas- insert a 12 year hiatus here. With themes and motifs of not-good-enough-ism, societal and cultural expectations, doing art in the dark, stormy sea of capitalism. I replaced music school for a safer advertising major. Swapped my song making with classical music competitions. Kicked my musical dreams to the curb with the shiny dreams of making millions. You know- classic story arc.
By the time I was 25, I knew I needed to take back the most important thing to me. I don’t know how I knew — but I at that moment looked at my life as if it were a movie. I was closing a very important chapter of my life. My biggest project of 6 years was coming to an end. My longest relationship with an ex partner was coming to a close. I wasn’t tied to anything, besides the few worn threads to a dream so many years ago.
I asked my brother (who is a techno producer under Zerosum) for honesty. What did he think of me plunging into music? “Well- you have a problem with commitment. You say you’re going to do something and then you do it halfway or move onto the next thing.” Oh. Ouch. You’re right.
And that was the fuel for the challenge. The fuel of realizing I went back to square 1 after many years. The fuel of not repeating old patterns and playing old stories. My brother told me that if I wanted to get as good as quickly as possible, then I should consider doing a song a week. To consider finishing a song is more important that making the best song. That I have to let go of my perfectionism. That good artists are good because of repetition and not solely sheer talent. Wait- a commitment? To my biggest dream, nonetheless? In The Alchemist, the shopkeeper dreams of going to Mecca but he never goes. Because if he went, he would lose his biggest dream. I couldn’t romanticize it anymore. I would actually have to do it.
So I did it. So here’s how it went. Here is my first song.
I didn’t have a mouse, a keyboard. By this time, I was living everywhere — I moved city to city in Florida on busses. I’d get on a bus to Miami and work on my music on the bus.
This is song 13. It’s cheesy, you guys. But at this point, I was okay with cheesy. In fact, I told myself that if if only 5 songs in my challenge were good, I would be happy. (This was not one of them.) I started writing diary entries of all of my songs. “I learned how to say eff it and mess around”.
By song 17 (Give Me Deep), I started to actually like the song I was making. I started making dance videos to my songs (which you can check out more on my Instagram). This was during quarantine-my partner and my brother both lived in this crazy wonderful farm in the middle of Miami so I cooped up with them. My diary entries got a little more technical. “I learned how to layer synths effectively, I learned to group synths and volume control them, I learned how to use Exhale (AMAZING), I learned to delay things slightly + pingpong for richer sound, learned “s” for solo”
By song 22 (Your Iris, The World), I fell in love with making music. I was going a little crazy quarantining. I had mega anxiety making this song — until it sounded good. This song showed me the reason I went back on this path. “Probably my favorite one up to date. It feels like- me. I calmed down and played instead of tried too hard. Became curious.”
This was approaching the halfway point. My commitment was super challenged at this point- I could be hanging out with my friends right now. I’m hungry. I need do *insert anything else here*.
Song 37: By the time I got to the 30’s, my style started solidifying. Just like real life, I guess. I really loved incorporating full strings. Repetitive female vocals. I coated on the reverb. I created libraries for my work. I went back to my grandma’s house in Cape Coral and stayed low for a while My days looked like: exercise, meditate, music, design, hangout, eat grandma’s food, sleep.
Song 39 , Seismic Souls was incredibly important to me — I won Audience Choice for the Gamers Music Festival out of 120k votes. It was the first validation I got from the outside world that they liked my music, and it was incredibly surreal. I could hear my child self thanking me that I picked it back up. “The trees told me to write this one with them in mind. I think I did an okay job of that, haha.”
Song 41: This is probably my favorite song out of all the songs I’ve done. My best friend April sent me lyrics over the phone which I took one phrase from, and I made something that hit me in my soul- “This definitely feels like 9 y.o Yuan + nightcore + nature Yuan.”
Song 48: (Notes: vocals to still be pitched properly) Another collaboration I did with my friend Mila, who has a beautiful voice. She recorded it on her phone, without knowing what the song sounded like, and I put music around it.
By this point, I was in final stretch mode — which is a way of saying that I was starting to burnout. I was humbled by the unromanticness of following my dreams were and how much grit it took.
Song 50: Okay, the last four songs are Avatar: The Last Airbender inspired. At this point, I was spending an hour everyday working on music. My life got really crazy around this time. The last thing I wanted to do was make music on some days. I snuck in 30 minute sessions around all the building projects I had to do. Literally- nail in some wood. Go make a little music. Go to Home Depot. Add a bass line. It was hectic.
Song 52, THE FINAL SONG: This is a redo of my first song. I made this on the plane going to New York. I spent hours in the airport trying to finish up my last song. And it finally hit me — I was done. I sat for a while finishing the last notes. I spent New Years toasting to my friends and the end of this challenge.
So, there you have it — a year synopsis of doing my challenge.
More than the songs itself, I gained a wisdom doing art. I felt like it was my version of the retreat to the mountains. I learned:
- The best artists all sucked at one point in one time. That the polished works that we see are all on top of works that suck, frustration, and failures. Like — none of my songs are mixed properly. Or at all. That’s something I’m learning this year. And I used iphone vocals and I don’t know how to pitch them properly yet.
- That it’s okay to copy. In fact, how else are we going to learn? I used a reference track for all of my songs. Shamelessly. But I always deviated from the reference track, and brought something new to the table. As art should be.
- That we should focus on quantity, not quality. Huh? My brother told me this one. He says that when we get caught up in making the masterpieces, releasing the perfect track at the perfect time, making the perfect brush stroke, we often shoot ourselves in the foot. What a cosmic joke.
- That as soon as I let go of my dream, I came closer to it. The reason why it’s been on the backburner for so long was because it was a giant mountain. A huge mountain of expectations and potential failures. At the beginning of this journey, I sat with myself and told myself: “ I give you permission to fail 100 times”. I told myself that none of my songs had to be good. I just had to learn something. And that opened the channel to my creativity.
But the title needs to be clarified for two reasons: the first being is that I became an EDM producer as soon as I chose to be consistent. There wasn’t a benchmark of mastery that I had to jump over with a trophy and society’s thumbs up. It was when I produced EDM everyday. It’s humbling, really — especially in a society that values merit and warps art with its capitalistic hands.
And the second reason is that it was a 26 year journey, not a year one. What people don’t see are the countless number of times I’ve downloaded Ableton, FL Studio, Logic, only to uninstall it in utter frustration. How I would pass the piano every single day with a promise of “I’ll pick it back up one day”. How much angst and anxiety I had about it. How I judged other musicians harshly — seeing music majors in college, seeing business cards of musicians (we should pay attention to who we judge- it is telling us something) because — I was jealous, really.
They say the best time to plant a tree (or to be an EDM producer) was 20 years ago. But the next best time is today. So I don’t regret “wasting” time at all. Now I know the wisdom of knowing my worth when I start playing live shows. I know how to not go boy crazy and get off path, because I have a beautiful partner who is doing music alongside me. I know how to approach burnout, balance, perfectionism, my attitude, my health.
And living and running an intentional community in the suburbs growing food and community for the last 7 years? That’s all part of it too. Cause I realize that I want to make electronic music for the planet and people. Not solely to stroke my ego.
So I wrote this to inspire young people, especially young women, to keep creating. By showing the journey and not the polished product, I hope to inspire people to accept the mountains in front of them and know how to take the leap. And if I can challenge the virtual community, do something every week for a year that you love to do.
I promise you will surprise yourself.
If you want to follow my journey as I tinker and clunk around my dream, check out my Instagram.